What is anxiety?

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What is anxiety?

When I was in my teens, I used to get a heavy, bloated sensation in my stomach.  It often happened when I was on a bus or train, usually around other people.  It was uncomfortable, and I’d go quiet as I fixated on it.

In my head, I was trying to work out why it was there.  I’d try to think what I’d eaten and get concerned that I might be sick.  The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I became.  I’d get hot, and my jaw would start to ache.

I remember doing this strange gulping ritual to try and get it out.  Only, rather than making me feel better, it made me worse.  I’d get an acidic taste in my mouth and feel more agitated about losing control.

Like you, I’ve had numerous encounters with anxiety over the years, and the one I just described is just one of them. We all have unique experiences and are not alone in this journey. 

Anxiety isn’t one thing.

There is no single way anxiety presents itself. It can manifest as a fear of public speaking, a constant worry about the future, or a feeling of dread when faced with a decision.  What plagues your daily experiences may have barely been considered by others.  Except they carry an anxious feeling, too. 

You may be worried about getting depressed, whereas they worry about looking silly in public.  Some are frightened of being left alone, while others obsess over something terrible happening. 

“There’s nowt so queer as folk.”

This affectionate Northern English proverb refers to the strangeness of people’s behaviour sometimes.  Far from meaning anything derogatory about sexuality, it’s an inclusive and humble saying that recognises the common humanity of everyday folk. 

People’s actions can seem odd until you know what they think and feel.  I tend to sniff my food before I eat it.  I barely notice it, but it can seem strange to others who don’t know me.  I’ve done it since I was little, and I guess it was a way to determine if I would like what was in front of me. 

What little quirks do your friends and family have?  What do you do when you’re feeling anxious that may look odd to those who don’t know you?

Anxiety is a broad experience.

Anxiety shows up throughout your entire experience.  It touches your thoughts, bodily sensations, emotions and actions.  You can have memories of events in which you felt embarrassed or threatened. 

The dominant primary emotion in anxiety is fear. 

Yet, it is also slightly different, as depicted in the movie Inside Out 2. In this movie, the emotion of fear is concerned with an immediate threat, like when the character Riley is about to go down a steep hill on her skateboard.  Anxiety, however, is concerned with the general possibility of something scary, embarrassing or overwhelming happening, like when Riley is worried about making friends at her new school. 

With fear, you are focused on what is happening here and now.  Anxiety borrows worries from the future.

One of the reasons anxieties can get so big is that we exist inside a story that says we will not cope.  The future looks frightening because we do not know how to deal with it.  Often, we underestimate our capacity to handle events and seek to problem-solve what has not come to pass.

However, life is full of uncertainty.  You can be sure of that.  Yet, trying to control the future can be a fool’s errand.  While you can plan for some circumstances, you cannot mitigate many possibilities.  But that doesn’t stop us from trying.

Anxiety is a physiological experience as well.  Our heart rate increases, body temperature and blood pressure spike and our adrenal glands turn up to 11!  Muscle tension rises, and blood redistributes, sometimes leading to tingling in your fingers or nausea. 

You can get an unsettled bowel, or your vision goes blurry.  During panic, you might get a tight chest or feel dizzy.  Naturally, you look for safety, often wanting to return home.

Does anxiety always have to be bad?

Many of the most meaningful and fulfilling experiences in my life have contained some anxiety.  Like a time, I went away to football camp as a 13-year-old.  I was nervous about staying away from home, but it was enjoyable.  I learned much about myself, discovering who I am, my flaws and strengths. 

Or the time I quit my NHS job to work in private practice.  I didn’t know what my income would be at the end of the month, whether I would cover my bills, and…I don’t regret it one bit. 

One crucial lesson I’ve learned, personally and professionally, is that anxiety doesn’t vanish as life improves. Instead of letting it cripple me, I’ve learned to embrace it.  I’ve empowered myself to take risks and grow by letting go of the struggle to eliminate it. 

Anxiety doesn’t have to be a hindrance. It may sometimes seem like an adversary, but fighting it is futile.  Anxiety can be whatever you decide it to be, and it’s within your power to manage it.